Zak watches over Lisana and Cho after something of an emotional ordeal.
[Trigger warning: child abuse, single post later on]
<Cho>
Soft lighting glows gently across the furnishings of Lisana's cabin, glints in the empty glasses, on the dregs of another whiskey bottle upon the bedside cabinet. Both Lisana and Cho are remarkably coherent given the quantities recently imbibed, but perhaps that wouldn't come as such a surprise to Zak.
As Lisana glides into the refresher, getting herself ready for bed, Cho pauses in the doorway behind her, tensing as a sibilant sentence sizzles in her direction and sighing. "She's too tired" Cho murmurs to Zak - rather shortening the utterance in translation - moving to stand by his side, leaning gently into his steadying presence.
Echoes of the other night reverberate around the room, and she shivers against him. Let's not do that again.
She shrugs away some of the tension in her shoulders, deciding this time they can afford to wait outside. Neither she nor Lisana have much fight left in them tonight; the haunted, lost looks in their eyes when Cho'd opened the cabin door to Zak had spoken volumes. Seldom has he seen Cho so upset, though she'd rallied somewhat over the hour of quiet companionship that'd followed.
After waiting quietly, Cho gives Zak's hand a gentle squeeze, then slips into the refresher as Lisana comes out.
<Lisana>
Lisana glides out in silk pyjamas, offering a set to Cho as she passes. With resignation, she notices her manicured hands are greying again, and is aware that she is making a significant effort to remain graceful, forcing her shoulders to stay relaxed.
As the noise of the shower hisses around the room, the vision of her talons raking across Zak's face in that refresher causes her to shudder. Walking to Zak's side, she looks sadly across at the livid wounds.
"Zak, I cannot express enough my thanks for your support over the past few days. You and Cho …well… without you…"
Words failing her, Lisana lays a gentle hand on his arm to complete her sentence, lowering her eyes.
<Zak>
Zak had had a bit of a quandary when deciding whether to check on the ladies. Not wanting to interrupt their support of each other as he worried that his presence would likely inhibit them both to a greater or lesser extent. But in the end his promise to Lisana regarding her detox won out. If they were both emotionally drained he felt it might be best for someone as damned practical as him was around - just in case. He was pleasantly surprised at his welcome and inclusion.
When Zak had arrived it was clear that the pair had been very upset and had attempted redress through medicinal use of hard liquor. He'd certainly fallen into that trap many times in the past himself so he'd accepted the glass proffered with little comment, unsure how best to help. Cho's state certainly shocked him and it was all he could do not to rush over and give her a hug.
As the conversation continued he'd been drawn in, seeing either of them so upset wasn't something he could ignore, springing to their defense when it seemed they were unfairly blaming themselves or their past for things. In the end it was clear to Zak that they both wanted the best for the children and unfortunately the situation was not one where any guarantees could exist. As the amount of imbibed liquor increased the topics got wider and before long it was clear that it was time to turn in.
Zak was once again camped out in Lisana's designer armchair in an effort to mostly stay out of the way while the well lubricated pair are getting ready for bed. A smile on his face as he assimilated all the small ways the pair were similar and different in their nightly habits. He was sure it was telling him a huge amount about each of them - if only he could decode it.
As Cho leans against him his arm comes up to hold her tight, hoping to impart his strength. He'd been particularly shocked by her state when she opened the door, he couldn't remember ever seeing her quite so distraught. He reciprocates her squeeze as her turn for the refresher arrives.
He can't help but smile at Lisana and her grace and style. If she fell in a sewer she'd probably still somehow come out smelling of roses. Although his trained eye detected a certain effort not normally visible.
When she shudders and turns, he's concerned for a moment until he releases the target of her gaze. No doubt finding another thing to be self critical of.
"Szalan, please. You were not yourself. I've had worse just from training exercises." he gives her his cheekiest smile; "As you've pointed out... more than once... and at length."
"Plus it looks quite roguish don't you think."
The humour in his voice takes a back seat as he adds; "As for the rest, you are most welcome, but had I been a better friend and paying more attention I would have helped sooner."
<Lisana>
Falleen! And again he surprises me. You are a quite remarkable man, Mr Myrto.
Her eyes brighter and more vivid than ever, Lisana looks up into Zak's gaze, and with a fluid practiced gesture, brushes the ends of her talons straight down the line of her breast bone and opens her hand smoothly palm up towards him.
"Zhratar." It was only a whisper, with a gentle smile, but it's meaning and weight clear. "You have been a strong companion and an incalculable support to Cho. And I have been so very careful to conceal the depth of this from everyone."
Lisana's eyes flick aside, and she sighs, remembering the pathway to that night of crisis and of her dark walk. Turning towards him again,
"I need to seek your help again, I feel. With my father's interest in seeking me out clearly building," and she massages her back ruefully, "There is an urgent need for me to train fast and hard in any combat techniques that might prove useful. And assistance from you and Cho would be most welcome."
<Zak>
Zak watches Lisana's response with genuine interest;
"Gladly given. I'm sure between us we can teach you some very useful techniques." Zak considers for a second and adds;
"However, I'm not sure that we want to get in an arms race with the Zann Consortium. I'm not sure that would end well, but personal safety we can help with."
<Lisana>
Lisana regards Zak as he sits before her, a huge presence compared with her slight frame. She could almost touch his essence in the cabin.
With his expertise, and she gives me so much, this could just work.
Even her face muscles are tired, but she manages to arch one eyebrow.
"Thank you. I am the only one joining that arms race. But my personal safety is a crucial part of the big play. For now however, I need to get some sleep, I'm afraid."
Lisana turns to the bed, and feels her head begin to reel, just as Cho leaves the refresher.
Oh Gods, you never learn - you've pushed yourself beyond limits yet again.
Thankful to achieve the bedside, Lisana catches herself in time before she tries to undress further. Finally sliding into the sheets, she stretches luxuriously in their comfort, and sleepily awaits Cho's approach.
<Cho>
Watching Lisana unsteadily cross the floor, it takes Cho an effort of will not to close the gap and support her. She pauses in the doorway instead, pressing a hand against the wall as if to steady her own self; now that she's no longer pushing herself to keep going, it's clear recent events have taken a lot out of her.
The flicker of a smile curves her lips as Lisana pauses at her bedside, and then a silk-clad Cho turns toward Zak, her smiling warming still further. Her movements are faltering - almost graceless - though, as she crosses the distance between them; she hadn't seemed this tired even after their last training session.
Ribs twinging in protest as she leans down to kiss him, her smile turns rueful; her hands rest gratefully upon his shoulders, stopping her just short of losing her balance.
Her kiss is tender, lingering, but Zak can practically taste her weariness, the effort it takes to push herself back upright enough to regard him properly.
"You okay?"
Not quite what you signed up for. Her eyes rove across his features, concern suddenly threatening her brittle composure.
<Zak>
When Cho turns to Zak it's very clear from his naughty smile that he's enjoying seeing her in silk and the way it enhances her form.
"Well... nice. Silk huh... I think I like it. Who'da thunk."
As she reaches down to kiss him, his a hands come up to gently hold her waist, and he returns the kiss, savouring the moment;
"Steady there my dear, you really need some sleep hon."
Seeing her concern, he pauses to give it some real consideration. He smiles;
"I think so, my love. It's been a rollercoaster few days for all of us. And there's stuff we haven't caught up on yet."
He gives her waist a little squeeze; "But nothing that trumps your need to sleep. Promise. OK?"
<Cho>
Fondly scrutinising Zak's face a while longer, eyes half shut, Cho finally nods in acceptance. She glances across at Lisana, then back to Zak, shakily leaning in to steal a final goodnight kiss.
"Thank you." she breathes, close to his ear, meaning every syllable.
She takes a few more breaths before heaving herself upright once more, and unsteadily piloting her body toward the waiting bed and Lisana.
There's an initial awkwardness to the pair of them, as they settle down; Cho sliding herself into bed between Lisana and any easy exit. The two exchange sleepy murmurs in Falleen, before rolling over to rest back to back, Lisana seeming to relax against Cho's frame.
Head supported by luxurious pillows, Cho's gaze rests a while upon Zak, smiling softly. She whispers something, just a couple of words too low to catch, then slowly shuts her eyes.
It's not long before both are deeply asleep, the rhythm of Cho's breath intimately familiar in the quiet of the cabin, small mumbles and twitches surfacing as they flee her dreams. At one point she shivers, almost waking the both of them; she rolls over to rest a hand on Lisana's form, settling into a more peaceful slumber.
<Zak>
In the now mostly silent cabin Zak watches the two with a fond smile and shifts in his seat finally able to truly relax. It had been one hell of a few days... weeks even in Zak's case.
Having to face the Hellions - all, baring Dane, happy to condemn him without real hard evidence or knowledge, seemingly ungrateful for him risking his life to save their family on D'Qar.
Losing his way with the holes in his head, and his own inner demons... the fear that the Hellions might be right.
Vivid recollections of his almost death at the hands of Cho's Master, Nayim. He still couldn't square that coincidence or the fact that Cho now wields that very blade.
Feeling so trapped and frightened wasn't something he'd ever had to deal with before.
Having to ask Reeva to use the Force to help him after she'd made such mistakes with it before, just so he could survive.
What would have happened if Reeva and Cho hadn't succeeded? He'd probably be broken and of no use to anyone, perhaps worse a danger. He'd almost depressurised the Skywatcher while in a delusion after all.
The prison ship, Gak, Hethan and the children and a number of extremely close calls amongst the crew.
Then the aftermath.
Sparring with Cho and the revelations of holding a lightsaber. Her pride in him and his in her at their performance as padawan and master.
Arguing with Reeva.
Lisana's despair at their injuries and her sincerity at his gift idea.
The revelations of quite how far Cho and Lisana's relationship had come.
Dane's acceptance and forgiveness of Zak.
Lisana's detox.
And then the moral dilemma with Hethan and the children.
No wonder the crew was all over the place. It was surprising that anyone had anything left to give.
He focussed once more on the two slumbering women in front of him and considered the most recent events, certainly he never expected to be sitting in Lisana's cabin watching her and Cho sleep. That was new.
Both beautiful and dangerous in remarkably complementary ways. Both strong willed, stubborn and... damaged.
Zak was very happy that they'd buried the hatchet after the vitriol that had occured when Cho's 'deal' had become clear, but this was on a whole other level. Clearly that whole explosion of emotion between them had been an indication of the strength of a bond building between them even then. Zak didn't doubt Lisana's opinion of her father, but the cold shoulder and disdain had seemed more likely than a public display of such hate. Lisana was a very private person... until she invited you in, so that had to indicate some serious disappointment, and given her trust issues Zak didn't doubt that it seemed like a massive betrayal at the time. Zak had mixed feelings himself that Cho hadn't shared it with him either - it made him think that it was more than likely Cho had seen problems with the choice in the first place. Better to beg forgiveness than be denied permission as the phrase went.
That they were able to patch things up was remarkable, especially in the situation. Zak knew that his descent into trauma had put massive pressure on Cho and the rest of the crew, and was glad when Lisana told him that she and Cho had supported each other through it. Not his proudest moment.
Clearly they'd found a lot in common to become that close, and Zak was sure that stemmed for their shared and similar history. They were both, beyond anything else, survivors. Of truncated childhoods, physical abuse, mental trauma and exploitation of one form or another. He could imagine that they'd have many similar stories throughout their lives, and consequently mirrored or similar perspectives. Hardly surprising that the same things upset them, and that they each knew the right things to make those same things better.
Zak was very glad that in this wide universe the pair of them had found such support with each other.
But at the same time... it did give him pause. It was crystal clear that there was love and affection between them and an understanding that frankly he was ashamed to admit he was jealous of. He so wanted to be able to share that same kind of understanding with Cho that Lisana seems so capable of. And yet, what was there to be jealous of? The hardship and emotional nightmare that they'd both faced wasn't something he'd wish on anyone let alone himself.
If they make each other happy who am I to interfere? But what does that mean for Cho & I? Can I share her? Or am I selfish enough to just want her all to myself?
It wasn't as if non-standard relationships were new to him or his family. Married for the family, a partner for yourself wasn't a new thing to the Myrtos. Zak had never really liked that idea. He'd always wanted a true partnership, a shared life rather than something arranged for politics.
And for that first time he felt he'd found someone who kept him on his toes and made his life interesting - and importantly did so in spite of the situation and personal cost. He'd been no easy option for Cho. Falling for him had, he didn't doubt, cost the younger Cho considerably.
And yet here she was... actively in his life. Even if at the moment focussed on another.
<Zak>
Zak smiled as he remembered Cho's mischief from the other day. Cho and Lisana smooching.
That had certainly been a shock. Deliciously naughty of Cho - you could always count on her to tease, especially if it tickled her unusual sense of humour. He had wanted to ravish her on the spot.
He didn't doubt that would feature in his dreams at some point - but dreams were one thing... reality another. Besides the old stereotypes though he hadn't really thought about that.
Lisana had seemed surprised by the kiss and amused when Zak was revealed. But... being a very physical being himself Zak had noticed little hesitation or uncertainty in her responses to Cho's advances until that point. What did that mean?
Zak considered, running back the exchanges he'd seen between Lisana and Cho. There was certainly love, affection and heaps of passion... and a certain physical intimacy. But did that come from Lisana being their doctor as well as such a good friend to Cho? Lisana had likely seen both Zak and Cho in states of undress more than any other of the crew, save perhaps Dane.
Lisana had been very generous about Cho & Zak's relationship, and that had seemed entirely genuine. But could there have been some disappointment in that? Possibly. Might Lisana's feelings be more than those of a BFF? That was an interesting possibility. Zak wasn't sure how he felt about it.
What he did know was that they both deserved to be happy after all the misfortunes in their lives. And whatsmore, they deserved that more than he did. He'd been married, had lovers, and had a daughter.
If Lisana did harbour deeper feelings for Cho, was that something that Cho and Lisana should face? Pushing his own involvement to the side, or at least trying to, Zak thought they probably should, if unrequited and unexplored Lisana might miss other opportunities for happiness and life was far too short for that.
The other question that Zak couldn't answer was Lisana's perspective on intimacy and sex. It meant very different things to different people. Having some insight into some of Lisana's history it was entirely possible that Lisana's relationship to the physical was, for want or a better world, corrupted by her history. She clearly knew that she could weaponise her sexuality, but did that corrupt the physical intimacy of it with those she loved?
A wry smile appeared on Zak's lips as he realised he could have asked a similar set of questions about Reina, given her seductress proclivities, but there was a significant difference between having a choice to do something for duty and a cause than having the choice thrust on you for survival.
Zak shook his head. He was falling down another rabbit hole. At the end of the day, the choice such as it was, was entirely Cho's. And he'd love her regardless.
<Cho>
As the hours roll by, settled into slumber, Cho's sleep seems deeper and more restful than Zak might've seen in some time - though perhaps that's a simple function of exhaustion. Neither she nor Lisana move much until well into the early hours.
She finds her way to waking slowly, gently drifting still. Content for a few minutes just to lay there listening to Lisana's breathing, to see her so at peace. To know that Zak's there, feel his presence in the room, watching over them.
Something is wrong. The sensation gnaws at her, corroding away at the safety and contentment she feels.
Cho's mind starts to race, analysing her every perception, though there's little outward sign; pretending to sleep easily is a honed instinct after the life she's led. Still, her companions in the cabin know her better than anyone, just as she knows them.
Zak's awake, says the pattern of his breathing. Troubled. She can hear the tension in him, and for a moment her world spirals. Vivid recollections of long, awful nights awake, listening to him grapple with his demons, unable to reach him.
Unbidden tears form in her eyes as she pulls herself back to the present. It's not a flashback he's grappling with now, turning over in his mind. He is not lost, she tells herself.
She continues taking inventory of sensations, from the sounds of the ship, the distant tremor of its power plant, to the jagged pain waiting on the very fringes of each breath. Brings herself back to the peaceful sounds of Lisana's breath, and that of Zak's, easing now.
Making a discreet show of yawning and stretching, the movements slow and gentle so as not to wake Lisana, Cho finally rolls onto her back, turns her head to regard Zak. Her eyes take in his posture in the chair, focusing quickly in on his face despite the low light.
After a minute or so just watching him, a smile flickers on her lips. Careful not to disturb her companion, she slides from the bed, silk whispering across the sheets, to sit herself at Zak's feet looking up at him, a hand on his knee. Her voice is a low murmur, pitched for his ears only.
"Ready to talk about it yet?"
<Zak>
Zak's drawn out of his somewhat painful reverie as Cho starts her languid and oh so casual stretching. He can't help but smile.
Whilst he had no doubt that the stretches were for show, he hadn't detected any sign she'd been awake. Probably been watching me for a while I'd guess.
The knowing of such things seemed part of that bond he felt they shared. As though at some deeper level there was the understanding that Zak desired in the conscious.
At that thought a small sigh escaped him. Was he wrong to want that? Being too demanding, having unrealistic expectations? Was he just lacking acceptance of what he could share with the amazing creature now coming across the room to him?
He watches her close the gap and sit before him drinking in her form, the way she moves, her smell in the air, the touch of her hand on his knee. All of those things were priceless to him, and he knew they always would be. Whatever fate threw their way.
A wry smile appears on his face at her question; "Touché" Zak keeps his voice low so as not to wake Lisana.
"Would you believe that you've both returned my own words back to me? You are very alike in a lot of ways."
"Ready or not, I always want to share my thoughts with you."
He pauses collecting his thoughts, seeking those to start with. Zak's eyes met Cho's, a heartfelt intensity in them;
"You love her." it wasn't a question.
"Hold on to her with all your might, Di. Some things are beyond value. I've never seen such natural care and understanding develop between two people. Cherish and enjoy it. Forever."
sincerity and embarrassment is clear in his face as he breaks eye contact; "I have to confess... I think... I might be a little jealous."
He looks back; "I'm not proud of that."
<Cho>
Diya holds his gaze, a defiant, determined intensity in her own eyes as Zak speaks. When he looks away, she gives his knee a gentle squeeze; her eyes glisten as he looks back.
Yes, I love her. More ways than I've words for.
"I will hold on to both of you, if I may."
Her voice is still low, carefully pitched, but there's a ragged edge to it. Her eyes lower, finding the spot on his chest where Gak'Fedaw's saber struck.
"When he struck you, I lost it. But I knew what to do." Her voice catches slightly, and she takes a long breath before continuing. "The other night, when she... when she fell. I couldn't do anything. You could. You did."
She looks back up at Zak, a familiar tracery of frustration on her features. How do I even begin to express what you mean to me?
"I'm not the person I was when we met. Not even the person I was when we got back together. Because of her, I'm... more. More able to do this. More able to love you. To think that we might actually survive this."
Twisting her frame, she looks across at Lisana, smiling fondly, then turns her full attention back to Zak, her voice clear, determined.
"I would end worlds to protect her. But when I'm with you I realise I might not have to."
<Zak>
As Cho speaks, he studies her face and gaze, devouring the emotions he sees reflected, he can't stop his hand rising to gently caress her face. She means so much to me. I never want to lose her.
In the quietness of the night and the intimacy of the situation, Zak's emotions are writ large on him in a way they aren't normally, a vulnerability and depth that's usually hidden. He listens actively, absorbing her words and emotions, nodding his understanding.
"I'm not going anywhere if I can help it. I'm yours, Di... in ways I can't begin to express." He leans forward and lifts her hand from his knee and touches it to his chest over his heart, scant inches from the wound she looked to; "You're in here." emotion thick in his voice.
Echoing Cho's look to Lisana;
"I will be forever grateful to her for what she gives you. She, like you, is a remarkable woman."
Zak meets Cho's gaze as it returns and her words hit him; their implication brings tears to his eyes. "Partners forever. Di. I mean that with all that I am."
<Lisana>
Lisana makes a show of shifting in bed and stretching her slender body. As she rolls over, she sees Cho and Zak turning to look. Her face still relaxed - she hopes - with her breath fighting her for control, she closes her eyes and pretends to stretch again.
(Jealous! Szalan, zhratar, what have I done? You need space.)
So much that could not be unheard. Two of the people most dear to her, struggling to understand each other and this broken Falleen female, who has put herself between them.
Nausea building, her skin beginning to pale to grey and with her spirit twisting inside, she rolls out of bed, to seek the refresher. And then, realising that her subconscious is drawing her to the jewels in the cabinet, she shrugs on her gown and turns away.
She sees Cho sitting gracefully on the floor in front of Zak, his imposing form hunched forward in the chair, captivated. Barely glancing at them, she runs her talons through her ruffled hair.
(So anxious, so troubled – I have to go…)
As she glides to the cabin door, she almost whispers "I left something in the bar, I'll just fetch it." And with a slightly unsteadily hand, she presses the door control.
<Zak>
Having had a better view than Cho, Zak had a suspicion. There was something about Lisana's breathing that had been inconsistent. He couldn't be sure but was he only one who didn't routinely feign sleep? What a similar pair they were.
Zak briefly considered his heart to heart with Cho... How would Lisana interpret it? To Zak there wasn't anything concerning beyond his confession and that was more about his embarrassment than anything else. But from the looks of it, it had had an unknown effect on Lisana.
In a gentle and warm voice; "Szalan, please, as you have said yourself we're closer than family, else we wouldn't be here invading your space."
"I don't wish anything hidden between us, if something you've heard has upset you I can only apologise. That certainly wasn't my intent."
"We didn't mean to wake you, and you certainly don't need to leave your own cabin for our benefit."
Zak frowned as he finally caught her off colour in the low light, and concern immediately tinged his voice;
"Szalan... Are you OK?"
<Cho>
Cho seems to follow Zak's gaze, or perhaps was already turning, having sensed Lisana's rise from the bed. Her heart swells with pride as Lisana turns herself away from the refresher and its cabinet full of helping hands.
Yet she can see the anguish in her, can't help but mirror it with distress of her own, driving her from the floor; her mind racing as her feet carry her across the room.
There's no stash left in the bar, szalan. You know that, I heard you swearing half the ship away, furious with yourself for even looking.
Not a fix you want, then. The bar meant safety, security, the familiar. When did you wake? What did you hear?
Awful realisation dawns on Cho, her face ashen for a moment, sorrow and compassion writ large upon her features. She knows she can't stop Lisana leaving, or at least that she won't, but nor will she leave her alone.
"Szalan, stay with us. Please."
<Lisana>
An open door and with the bar a mere run away, Lisana takes one step forward, grateful for the beckoning space – and then hears Zak's voice. Gentle and warm, resonant with kindness. Calm, yet concerned. A memory floats in, unbidden, of a rare moment of solace, with Hymbel's voice soft and sympathetic, teaching her card tricks, before he was forced to disappear.
The tension throughout the room is almost unbearable and her harsh gasps for breath painful to hear.
Hesitating, the sterile air of the corridor contrasting with the rich narawood scent of her cabin, Lisana absorbs the embrace of Zak's words, despite herself, with tears rising. Her inner battle to flee to a bolthole, borne of the grinding cruelty of street living, visible in the rigidity in her shoulders. With his words continuing to flow into her, beginning to calm the writhing inside, Cho's words join to support his.
(Stop running, deal with this, right now. I owe … we owe this to each other.)
Summoning a grain of resilience remaining, she turns unsteadily sideways to lean on the door frame, her black hair flowing forward. Trembling and with her pallor further increasing, Lisana lifts her gaze from the floor. Gradually her breathing slows.
Leaning her head back for support, her striking profile is framed in the doorway.
(Keep standing. Oh gods, I feel…..please be strong, deal with this)
Her usually vivid lavender eyes, dulled with fear and turmoil, slowly turn and join with Zak's gaze.
"Zhratar, szalan. What would you have me do?"
<Zak>
Cho gently takes Lisana's hands in hers and slowly coaxes her back deeper into the cabin to sit at the end of her bed once more and sits beside her.
As she does so Zak leans forward in the armchair addressing Lisana;
"We'd ask simply that you stay with us, szalan. And tell us what's wrong, so that we may help."
Zak's voice still tinged with concern, "And I personally ask what I said that upset you, so that I can explain myself and alleviate any concern."
with some trepidation he adds; "If I had to guess... would it be my childish confession of jealousy and a worry that you might harm our relationship?"
"If you heard that much, you should also have heard that the opposite is true... that your support and affection has given Cho hope, both for more from life, and for the future. How could that do anything but enhance?"
"Your support for her through my... madness... kept our relationship going when it might easily have failed."
"We owe you a debt for your support, szalan."
Zak smiles; "That Cho loves you is clear, and I meant all that I said about its value. It should be celebrated and cherished."
"As to the other, my feelings of jealousy are my problems not something that you are responsible for."
He glances at Cho with adoration; "And someone has alleviated those feelings with her words already this evening."
"I can only imagine what jealousy has led to in both your lives, but please I beg you don't judge me by those standards, but rather my actions."
"Closer than kin, szalan. The rough and the smooth."
<Lisana>
With the comforting presence of Cho beside her holding her hand. Lisana seems to calm but her gaze is still fixed on the floor, as if uncertain how to engage.
(Why this struggle with kindness given? As if there is no place in my heart for it?)
Lisana's troubled eyes turn to Cho and she squeezes her hand.
"I am so sorry szalan, but I needed time and sanctuary." And then she turns to Zak, and their eyes meet. Perhaps Zak also feels that slight shock, of a tiny connection between them, of Lisana lifting one of the veils that cloaked her.
"Thank you. You are kind and caring, and Cho will tell you that… I find receiving kindness …difficult. I do not know where to hold it in my spirit. But I feel yours."
(Essential he hears this directly)
"I celebrate all that you both have in your relationship, celebrate and cherish it – completely." She smiles gently, glancing at both of them as her black hair swayed. Then her face darkens.
"And yes, you are right that your feelings arise from within you, but they are caused by external influences and in this case, I am that influence. You are my closer than kin zhratar, and you are hurting and I am the cause. That pains me more than words can explain."
(How to even begin? Maybe just state and move on)
"To hear that you are in distress and …" there is a pause as Lisana struggles to say the word "jealous…of my relationship with Cho, impacts more on me than others, I think. I have an uncomfortable history with this, it is..…". Lisana , clearly struggling with revealing anything further, simply stops, her lips clamped in a thin line.. After a moment during which she stares intently into space, she turns to Zak again, her gaze softening.
"I would welcome a chance to sit with you and understand you better. To gain more common ground? We have walked in different worlds until recently, you and I. Now, if we choose, we can make a world that we all share."
Lisana begins to sit back on the bed, and takes a deep breath, savouring her scented cabin.
"Shall we start from the beginning? What did you both think of me when we first met on Spintir? Who was this Falleen female?"
<Cho>
Sitting hand in hand on the bedside, Cho's gaze flits from Lisana across to Zak and back again, watching their reactions to each other intently. So much depends on these few moments, she almost has to remind herself to breathe, wincing as she forgets to do so shallowly.
And again we find the words to fix things, for now. This is far from over, and we all know it. But I will not be the one who steps away; I cannot.
Selfish of me, I know, to want you both to myself. Perhaps ironically, Cho has never been one to look to the future, at least not where relationships are concerned. You snatch what happiness you can, wherever you can; she hopes she would not judge another for doing likewise.
At Lisana's question, Cho's eyes sparkle with mischief and affection, wryly biting her lip rather than speak the first words that come to mind. She tilts her head slightly, glancing briefly at Zak before returning her gaze fondly to Lisana's features.
"I did not see you then, szalan. I am glad I do now."
Cho pauses to consider her next words and decides to stop there, smiling; she instead looks inquiringly toward Zak.
<Zak>
Zak meets Lisana's gaze and for the first time sees through the calmly presented facade, the bulwark of her armour, to the eyes of the real individual within. It's a shock and a revelation.
He listens intently to her words shaking his head when she attempts to take any blame or responsibility for his feelings.
Zak's voice takes on a note of certainty; "Szalan, my distress is of my own making and comes from my own insecurities, my own fears of not being worthy. Fears of failure and loss. It's not in any way born from the care and affection you show for Cho."
"No one should have to hide their true feelings for someone they care about. My insecurities are much more likely to stem from my own childhood and it's challenges than anything in the here and now."
"But there is a power in bringing such negative feelings into the light, in discussing and addressing them directly with those we trust. Like... lancing a boil."
"You're absolutely right that we've experienced different worlds and that we need to find a common one. But until we do, just tell me I'm being an idiot, when I am."
With a cheeky smile he adds; "It'll save a lot of time."
Zak laughs with genuine fondness at Lisana's final question, hands out in supplication;
"That's easy - we saw what you wanted us to see, szalan. So I'm not sure I'm going to walk freely into that bear trap."
<Lisana>
(A trap?)
Zak would see the veil, so recently lifted, dropping like a heavy cloak across Lisana's eyes.
(Yes, I hope you saw that)
Lisana slides her body languidly across the sheets to lie on her front, facing Zak like a predatory cat, while still keeping her gaze on his face, and wounds.
She watches him for a long moment, silence heavy across their shoulders. Eventually, with careful curiosity:
"So, in what way does not falling into that 'bear trap' help us find common ground, Zak?"
<Cho>
Watching their exchange with interest, Cho sighs inwardly as Zak declines to engage; she doesn't even have to look at Lisana to know what she's feeling. A rueful smile alights on her lips.
We open the door, you walk past, we slam it shut again.
She shifts position to mirror Lisana's, laying alongside her in predatory solidarity, an expression of dangerously amused curiosity playing across her features.
This could be fun.
<Zak>
Zak wasn't sure what he said, but he did see the facade slam back in place in Lisana's eyes, and felt a change in the cabin. Something had definitely changed.
He struggled to put his finger on it... to remember when he had felt similar. The closest he could think of was when he'd be forced, by circumstance, to handle unexploded munitions.
He quickly glanced between Lisana and Cho and realised that he alone had no idea what he'd said that had affected the tone.
Crap. If my turn of phase causes backwards steps we'll all be old and grey before we find any common ground.
"Errr... Ladies... I see I've already put my foot in it." He again glances between them; "Is now when one of you tells me I'm being an idiot?"
<Cho>
One supposes it is.
Cho rolls onto her side, propped nonchalantly on an elbow, more easily able to see Zak and Lisana both. Lazily resting a hand in the small of Lisana's back, she regards Zak with amused eyes, though he'll recognise the beginnings of frustration around them too.
"Sweetie, I just didn't expect you to start so soon."
She pauses, glancing at Lisana briefly before looking back, flashing Zak a wolfish smile.
"When we want to trap or manipulate you, you won't see it coming."
Her attention turns to Lisana, trailing her hand thoughtfully up her back.
"May I answer your question properly, szalan? I thought you fascinating. Capable, dangerous - to me, even then - and proud of what you had built. Powerful. Al-Bad was made around you, the heart of it."
Reaching the top of her back, Cho's fingers caress Lisana's hair, teasing stray strands back into place. She glances at Zak, still smiling.
"What did you think of him? Who was he?"
<Lisana>
(She knows in a heartbeat what I need, breathes with me, swirls with me)
Lisana shifts to look at Cho as fingers ripple Lisana's long hair. With a mischievous twinkle, she touches Cho's hand, looking deeply into her eyes. Her voice evokes the mists of memories.
"He was a bear of a man. And I thought him potentially trouble, no, more than that - dangerous. I flagged him to my security immediately. He was clearly alert, on guard, and shrewd. Within a moment of entering the saloon, he'd assessed most of the clientele and staff more rapidly than most. I guessed military from his body flow and movements, we'd seen many like him moving through our patch, and we'd barred many too. His voice was quiet but authoritative. But, something else - he was ill at ease in his skin. Perhaps he could have been useful to me – so I remember him very clearly."
(And I remember you, szalan, very subtle yet so present, I watched you carefully)
Lisana's fingers gently overlap Cho's, which are still running through her hair. With her gaze intently on his face, she asks him hopefully:
"And you Zak? And you can be pretty sure that I'm not ‘fishing for compliments' this time either! What was I like? Who was I?"
<Zak>
Zak gives Cho a look and sticks his tongue out. Hoping beyond hope to lighten the changed mood.
"Thanks dear... but I'd say you know me well enough to know exactly what my blindspots are and when I'm likely to put my foot in it.... whether you'd tell me likely depends on how funny you thought it would be not to."
And, no doubt, how serious it was. So maybe I'm not in quite as much trouble as I think I am.
He looks across to Lisana; "Clearly a gift that I do have is to say exactly the wrong thing when talking with you. Apologies, szalan."
"In my experience, people tend to ask what you think of them for reasons other than to get your opinion."
Zak seeks Lisana's gaze happy for her to read the sincerity of his words in his eyes;
"When I first saw you there was an undeniable presence about you. It was clear that you were in charge and very competent... from what gestures I caught I could see that you had a good handle on your staff and security. At the time I felt that made the likelihood of third party trouble considerably less." He smiled; "That was certainly useful for me at the time."
"At that initial meeting, the most important thing I felt was that you weren't a threat. Not to me or the team." Before anyone can get offended Zak holds up a hand and adds; "Not because you couldn't have been but because you had chosen not to be."
"You seemed intrigued at our little group, and I judged that gave us some... leeway."
Zak shrugged; "Beyond that... at a more personal level, I could see the obvious beauty, style, intelligence and charm. But the most striking thing was your awareness of everything going on in your kingdom."
"But as to who you really were... I'm not sure how to answer that. Majordomo or owner certainly... but that's a role not more."
Zak frowns a little thinking; "I'm not entirely sure whether that actually answers your question, but without a more specific one I'm not sure what to add."
<Lisana>
At least he's shared something.
A silence follows as Lisana waits, with an arched eyebrow, watching Zak.
She glances across at Cho, exchanging an unspoken message, or was it a question? With her eyes returning to Zak, she sweeps her silken legs to the floor and kneels in front of him, taking his hands in hers. Looking up into his face, smiling gently, and her voice soft, she says:
"We are not trying to trick you or trap you." Lisana shakes her head gently, and her alluring, rich perfume rises around him. "And, while you may say some unfortunate words to me, please remember that you and I are still early in this journey. We need to find common ground, and that will take time. It is not always you or me at ‘fault', but two oblique worlds struggling to connect." She looks deeply into his eyes, as if seeking something.
"When I first asked you the question, we had just agreed to find common ground, to be open and share. But I know that you expected there to be an agenda around my words. Just like you did I when I asked you if I was like Reina. From my reaction then, you know I do not seek compliments, I do not need to." Without arrogance or conceit, just a cold statement of fact. "But let's leave that."
How to show that all I wish for them both is to learn to listen and share – openly together
"So, now you have answered the question, in the spirit in which it was asked, openly and honestly."
Lisana sits back slightly, looking down at his soldier's hands held in her slim light fingers.
"There was a pause after you finished talking. Neither Cho nor I spoke. There was a reason for that. We were expecting you to ask a question in return. To continue to engage in finding more about me, how had I managed to set up the saloon, what was the most serious issue that I dealt with…... To ask if there was anything else I had observed about you?" Lisana's eyes look into his again, and with her smile widening, squeezes his hands. "This is not a trick or trap. This is just being curious, just caring."
Let us continue with this bizarre chat
Standing, and sliding back onto the bed next to Cho, Lisana tilts her head to one side, with her silken top slipping slightly from her shoulder.
"So with no agenda and in the spirit of seeking common ground – Zak, when is Cho at her strongest and at her weakest, and why?"
<Zak>
Neither Lisana or Cho had seen Zak quite as uncomfortable as he seemed right now, clearly feeling out of his depth, and very uncertain about the situation he finds himself in.
And if Zak needed any demonstration of how different he was to these two ladies and simultaneously how much alike and intune they were, he couldn't think of a better, or worse one.
He pushed back down a wave of jealousy and despair at that thought, hoping it didn't show.
The understanding flowing between them was remarkable... and scary. He felt like a child involved in an adult conversation he couldn't hope to understand.
So many things that he didn't, couldn't understand... How could someone not want compliments from those they loved? Who didn't like them? Clearly he was missing something of great importance there.
He could also see the sincerity in the pair, and knew that this was a big deal... This might not be a trap or a trick, but it was clearly important to the pair and he would be judged by his engagement or understanding... whether they realised that or not.
With a sigh, Zak manfully tried to push it all away and focus on just answering the question... and apparently asking one of his own;
Zak smiles a weary smile, and takes the plunge;
"When those she loves are under threat she's both."
"Strongest because she's completely ruthless in their defense. She'll use anything in her power to make the difference, her passion, anger and blood - all that she is, and at whatever cost."
"Weakest because sometimes the cost might be more than she can bear, and it makes her predictable and thus vulnerable."
"But beyond that, she's strongest when she allows others to support her and weakest when she tries to carry all her burdens personally."
Zak looks at Cho;
"It only seems fair to ask when you feel I'm strongest and weakest in return?"
<Cho>
Seeing Zak's discomfort, Cho begins to sit herself up, perching cross-legged on the side of the bed as she listens intently to his words, nodding her acceptance. As she's asked a question in return, she smiles down at Lisana, hoping to dispel some of the tension in the room.
"What are his greatest strengths, szalan? I would suggest they lie in the bedroom, but sadly a less improper answer is called for."
She eyes Zak in theatrically appreciative fashion before continuing on, addressing him directly. How to navigate this one?
"Well, you're struggling right now. A soldier with nothing to fight, expecting trouble but unsure what or how to face it, no-one telling you the rules. You don't do well without solid foundations to work from."
Cho pauses, thinking back through what he'd said about her.
"But we're not so different, in some ways. You would do anything to protect those in your care. You don't let your emotions cloud your judgement on how, though; there is great strength in that. Ever practical, ever prepared."
"And you are the most honest, most sincere soul I've ever met. Little wonder you struggle with me." She smiles ruefully.
"What did I miss?"
<Zak>
At Cho's initial comment Zak can feel himself blush... not something Cho's probably seen before, but the situation he finds himself in is so outside his comfort zone apparently it's a thing. He might not make Lisana's previous drug induced red, but for a human it's damned close.
"Well... that's... Damn... I can't believe that you've actually made me blush, my dear."
"And yes, I am struggling, and I'm not sure I can explain why. I feel extremely vulnerable... Kinda like I'm handling unexploded munitions, and I think that's coming from... not wanting to disappoint either of you with my stunted emotional range."
Zak gives Cho a mischievous look; "And you're also right that I'm much happier with the literal touchy feely stuff than the emotional equivalent."
He nods; "We do have a number of similar traits, and while I try not to let my emotions cloud my judgement I do not always succeed." He theatrically reaches up to scratch his chest where the wound still lies healing, his meaning clear.
"As to what you missed... Probably that emotional range, and I don't always listen or hear what's really been said when I should. Some things also press my buttons and make all of my better judgments vacate the building."
Zak pauses and smiles; "And clearly I have a way with words that gets me into a lot of trouble."
Turning to Lisana; "Szalan, what else have we missed?"
<Lisana>
Lisana starts as she is addressed. Her head is spinning with doubt and despair at the clear discomfort and distress she had caused Zak, yet again.
What an awful mistake even beginning this.
She smiles.
Well, that at least was convincing. Now how to answer without actually saying a thing?
"I think you are right about each other. You are well-suited, different enough to keep your relationship interesting, but similar enough that you bond and enjoy each other. And of course, Zak with his wide range of skills, and Cho with hers, you are a very effective team."
"It is an uncertain time, of course. But Zak is pulling the crew together well. And you are training, effectively, well until you break each other!"
Now leave, and give them a moment, and yourself a chance to regroup.
As if suddenly realising, Lisana asks Cho:
"Would it be ok if I just quickly check on the children?" Looking at Cho, she sighs, and says levelly: "and yes, I'll come straight back, and no I won't take anything."
<Zak>
Cho merely nods, a slight sadness apparent on her face. Lisana stands, smoothes her gown and glides out of the room.
A very confused Zak watches her go, a certain trepidation and worry on his face.
"Is she going to be OK? Di... am I helping or hindering here?"
<Cho>
Cho stares at the cabin door a while, sadness warring with frustration on her face as she collects her thoughts.
This is my fault.
Frustration wins out, anger twisting her features as she wrestles her way through what to say, how to say it; Cho's reticent enough about her personal life, divulging anything of Lisana feels almost a betrayal in itself. She forces a measure of calm upon herself again, but it's clearly just a facade.
"You're doing great. Shaky start, but great."
She stands, paces over to the drinks cabinet, hesitates in front of it, turns away. Stares at the ceiling for a moment, before returning to kneel at Zak's feet. Doesn't look up, scowling instead at the refresher doorway.
"You're afraid. Of losing me, letting us down. She's fucking terrified, of getting in the way, of hurting you, me. Would do anything to support me. Us."
She turns to glare at the cabin door.
"She's not okay. Nothing will ever be okay. And among the not-fucking-okayness is a whole fucking mess of damage to do with jealousy that even I haven't gotten out of her. So this, this fostering an understanding? She's trying so fucking hard, you both are, but sometimes she will need a minute."
Some of the empty glasses littering the room start rattling in place.
<Zak>
Zak watches closely as Cho's emotions war within her. The depth and breadth of them once more highlight the seriousness of the bond between the two women.
He's not surprised, given recent history, when anger wins out, and is both relieved and worried that it seems universal rather than aimed.
Anger at fate or the universe... That way lies madness, and Zak would wholeheartedly endure Cho's full fury targeted solely at him than see her take that path. Whether he'd survive that was irrelevant.
While her words smooth, her impression of a caged tiger pacing the cabin significantly undermines them. Clearly that could have gone better.
As she sits, he shifts uncomfortably, maybe the situation has heightened his perceptions but he's suddenly very conscious of Cho kneeling at his feet unable or failing to meet his gaze - an image of supplication, penitence and subjugation that disturbs him.
That is so far from what he desires for and from her that he feels his stomach knot. As soon as he's able he slides off the armchair to face Cho as equals kneeling together, taking her hands if she'll let him;
"I am afraid Di, of course I am, because I care. Just like Lisana does. You of all people should know that I'm a tough old boot. I'm happy to take my share of the burden, I have broad shoulders."
"Training hurts but we come out the other side stronger. Sometimes the fastest way through is the painful way... you know rip the plaster off... especially when you're dealing with someone as thick headed as me."
"Lisana doesn't have to spare my feelings at the expense of hers." he smiles; "Assuming that she has a choice in that, which I grant she might not."
He sighs; "Jealousy like any feeling just is... what we feel. It's what we do with that that causes harm or hurts. I'm not proud of myself for those feelings but I have to work through it."
"Your life and Lisana's life are your own. I would never presume to know better than either of you what's right for you. And you know I'll support you all the way."
"If finding an understanding is too hard right now, hurts Lisana too much, I'll back off, I'm the one who's more whole than I've been in years thanks to you and Reeva."
He tries to meet her gaze; "And if that doesn't tell you anything else, it should tell you that there is hope for redemption, for healing and recovery."
"My fondest wish is to show you someday that, sometimes, things can be made okay once more."
<Cho>
Cho barely acknowledges Zak kneeling with her, at least at first; when he reaches out she folds her own hands in front of her, unable or unwilling to reciprocate, her whole frame rigid with tension.
As he begins to speak, she shuts her eyes, some of her focus turning inward. Fury still masks much of her expression, but Zak can tell with every twitch of her facial muscles she's still listening, still trying to process what he's saying.
The rattling glasses subside as he continues. A soft tink punctuates his speech, and then another, as they crack under unseen pressure.
As Zak speaks of hope and redemption Cho finally looks at him, and the weight of her attention, her anger hits like a misfiring gravity generator. He finishes speaking, and silence stretches out, Cho's narrowed eyes drilling into him.
Finally she draws breath, preparing to speak...
...and the cabin door buzzes.
<Lisana>
Get the first words ready – Zak, I am sorry….just needed ….
Still refining her approach to the imminent conversation, Lisana walks briskly down the corridor and presses the buzzer, for courtesy, before entering her cabin. She sees Cho and Zak kneeling opposite each other by the chair.
Lisana stops suddenly, slightly breathless. With her skin brightening, and with a steady hand, she runs her fingers through her hair.
One brief look at Cho, and Lisana tenses, stomach knotting. She needs me. Any move to support her right now, though, would tip the balance of the trio, and her eyes flicker back and forth between the two, sensing their moods.
Gods, she's angry, distressed, concerned…quick. Just reassure with your eyes, then speak before she says something we'll all regret.
With utter sincerity, Lisana begins.
"Zhratar, szalan, I'm sorry to …." And she loses her carefully rehearsed words in a swirling storm of thoughts. Pushing on, while rapidly losing her sense of calm, Lisana makes another attempt.
"Umm… I apologise for leaving so suddenly, but I needed some space to think."
Sitting down smoothly, cross-legged, on the floor two paces away, she faces them both. With a deep breath she reaches out, desperate to be heard by her closer than kin brother.
"Zhratar, I am so very sorry, please can we move on again and work together? Ask me anything, anything at all, about my life, my emotions, anything. I will answer you, openly and honestly. I wish to share this freely with you. This is not a time for doubt or questions, and, as always, you have been sincere. You are too important to each other for anything to get in the way of this. Ask me what you need to know."
<Zak>
When Cho fails to accept his hands he knows that he is in trouble, that he'd taken the wrong path, but he was committed and entirely meant what he was saying.
Her gaze when it connects physically hurts him... to see such fury in her eyes, and again he despairs how he can know someone so well and clearly not know them well enough. And he was trying to soothe... to help. Yet another level of confusion is clear on Zak's face.
Well, If I wanted her fury targeted I seem to have achieved my aim.
As she draws breath he readies himself for what he's sure will be a pointed lesson in how wrong he is about everything and why... when the door buzzes.
Saved by the bell... or not. Zak had no expectation that this was a reprieve, at most a postponement. He drew himself out of his thoughts and focused on Lisana reentering the cabin, seeing her realization of the fury in Cho.
Lisana's sincerity and her stumble in place of her usual polish, makes Zak's heart ache for her. He can see that once more she is apportioning blame where none exists. A strange calm descends on him;
"Szalan, you owe me no apology. None. I don't know any clearer way to say it. I'm the blunt object amongst precision instruments here. I'm the one without the finesse and emotional intelligence to see clearly."
"Those are my challenges to face. I hope, with your support... and Cho's."
"That you have invited me into your sanctuary and confidence is an honor I mean to deserve." He paused once more considering;
"I would be doubly honored to learn your story so that I might be better able to support you while you support me, Cho and the rest of the crew."
"But not at a cost to you. I have no right to any answer that would cause you pain to give."
"There is nothing that I need to know that your actions since I've known you haven't already told me."
"You care deeply about the crew and have taken us all as family. Even in Al-Bad I could see that you cared for your people. You have acted as a moral compass when we've needed it. You're prepared to do anything to defend and protect the defenseless. You're fiercely loyal."
He smiles; "And you've moved heaven and earth to feed us and keep our spirit alive. And in some cases keep us alive literally. All the while pushing yourself almost to the point of breaking."
"The entire crew and a number of those we've met owe you much more than they'll ever know. It's about time some of us started paying that down."
He looks directly into Lisana's eyes; "I want to know you szalan, so that I can return the support, so that I can be closer than kin. So that I can deserve your care and affection."
He pauses again not daring to look in Cho's direction;
"I understand how precious, rare and difficult your offer is, and I accept that it is offered openly and honestly so I will ask regardless of my fear of hurting you. I will not be upset if you can't or choose not to answer."
"Please can you help me understand why my jealousy concerns you so much?"
<Lisana>
Barely able to speak, Lisana blinks and takes a moment to compose herself.
He has asked – thank goodness. How to speak about this, what effect on my life?
"To hear your recognition of my place in the crew, so honestly and kindly from you, zhratar…it means so much." Pausing to look away, to see Cho's hands so close to her, Lisana takes a breath as she lifts her head, and looks into Zak's eyes. "And that you have opened your hands and accepted my offer, I am thankful." Her tone of voice lowers and softens, and the words come slowly and sadly.
"Where to begin? With …my father, of course. Other events across the years have left their mark, but the birth of this lies with him." Her expression distant, memories swirl.
"You know much of the essence of how he treated my mother…and me. He needed something, control, power. Or to satisfy his obsession or cruel streak, I have long since abandoned speculating."
This is harder than I thought. But it needs to be said.
"To control me, he tells me that he is… jealous of me. Jealous of the time my mother spends with me, and her love for me, which has taken her love from him."
She has to pause, as her hands begin to tremble.
"It is my fault that he has changed and is behaving as he is. I am the cause of his jealousy, I am the reason why he hurts my mother and then me. All me."
Lisana's face twitches, betraying the turmoil past and present.
"So I need to be punished. And if I say anything to anyone, seek help, try to run, I will be hunted down and found and punished again, because I am the guilty one, it is my fault."
"And he continues to ..visit… And he becomes more violent, every time, and then, one day" Lisana's hands begin to entwine and her voice is failing her.
"One day, I found her, lying still, hurt I thought. There was so much blood, so much. The floor, the walls, and the smell ..was…"
Eyes wide, with her breaths short and sharp, she looks across at Cho, almost pleadingly:
"That was my fault, because I had made him jealous." And Lisana's long black hair fell forward to cover her lowered face as she could not speak any more.
Eventually, with a sigh, she raises her eyes to the ceiling.
"And now I know that is not so. But try telling that to the frightened child inside me. Try telling her that jealousy does not always end in violence and pain."
<Cho>
Oh, szalan.
Cho is in motion almost before Lisana looks her way; all anger set aside and crying freely, she arrives by Lisana's side to take one hand in hers.
With a hesitant glance, Diya reaches her other hand out to Zak.
<Zak>
As Lisana bravely recounts her story, Zak can't help but flash back to her delusions during detox, making her account all the more visceral for him.
Her account proceeds and his worst fears for Lisana are realised. The sheer depravity of Treehees' abuse and torment of his own daughter sickens Zak to the core.
By the end of her account, his face is a mixture of horror, empathy and sadness. He has no words. What could anyone say to that? Words would never be enough.
When Diya reaches out her hand Zak doesn't hesitate, whatever their misunderstandings, they were immaterial in the face of such suffering, Lisana was all that mattered.
Taking his cue from Diya he reaches out for Lisana's other hand, tears in his eyes too.
<Lisana>
Lifting her head, Lisana smiles wanly into Zak's eyes and takes his hand, nodding slightly. She squeezes both their hands for a moment, savouring the touch. Her skin seems surprisingly vibrant, but there is no mistaking the fatigue in her posture.
She looks at Cho, holding her gaze for a long minute, pupils dilated, and then Lisana says huskily:
"I am very tired. Shall we get some rest? Cho, please would you help me up?"
<Cho>
"Of course. Zak, perhaps you'd like to use the refresher first?"
Just give us a few minutes. Please.
Kneeling on the floor, she waits until Zak steps away before offering her assistance. Her own exhaustion is evident once more, pale and tear-stricken, but her hands and gaze are steady enough; she doesn't take her eyes off Lisana as she rises.
She does not let go, instead pulling her into a close embrace, brow to brow and eye to eye. Tell me you haven't, szalan; the query and its answer pass wordlessly, just a shared look, a sigh and a slight shake of the head.
And if not the obvious?
Several possibilities race through Cho's mind, none of them good; Lisana would catch a fleeting glimpse of fear in her eyes before being pulled too close to see.
Inhaling her scent, steadying herself a moment, Cho's voice is a breathy whisper, almost a prayer.
"Tell me when you're ready."
Without waiting for an answer, she gently helps Lisana to bed, climbing in beside her. Softly, her voice calls across to Zak.
"There's room for one more."
<Zak>
The evening has been an emotional minefield for Zak and after Lisana's story he's certain that she'll need some of Cho's time without the fifth wheel he represents.
As such, when Cho offers the refresher he's happy to read between the lines and go, rather than be gentlemanly.
While using the facilities he catches himself in the temporary mirror and is shocked by the exhaustion clear on his face.
Clearly his emotional fitness is not up to his physical. He thinks about the horrors of Lisana's treatment and wonders if he's wrong to hope that scars like that can be healed.
With all his heart and soul he hopes that in this one thing, if nothing else, his optimism will trump the ladies cynicism.
Neither of them deserve to carry the burdens placed on their shoulders. Looking at himself in the mirror Zak promises himself that he'll do anything to grant them the relief that they both deserve, whatever the cost.
Finishing up he leaves the refresher tentatively, unsure if his guess was right, to see Cho helping Lisana into bed before climbing beside her.
He's just starting to turn towards the armchair as he hears Diya's voice... and turns to meet her gaze uncertain.
Gone, for now, is the fury and anger replaced by tiredness, sadness... and something more, but he can see that the offer was genuine.
After the emotional rollercoaster of the evening the very idea of physical contact is too much to resist and he accepts with a grateful nod, carefully slipping into what little space remains.
]
]
]